We have officially been living in our house for two years now. And FINALLY, I feel like we are making some friends. There are two sets of parents who have little ones Caleb's age whom we have become closer with. Close enough to count them as our emergency contacts for daycare. Close enough to call up for an impromptu dinner or playdate. And it's nice. Really nice.
But it's not the same as having a good girlfriend.
When we were living in Alabama, the girlfriends that I had that had children of their own we in the same new stage of mommyhood that I was in: inexperienced, full of doubt, and a little scared.
I'm still scared.
I'm scared that I am going to so thoroughly mess up my child that he won't be a productive member of society. I am scared that when I lose my temper with him that I am scarring him for life. I'm scared I'm over-disciplining him. I'm scared that I'm not disciplining him the right way.
I want so badly to have a child that is a competent, rational thinking, charismatic, loving member of society. And I'm really afraid of screwing him up.
The moms that I've met here are confident. And chill. I don't feel like they obsess over parenting like I do, because it seems to come so naturally to them. I wanna be chill. But it's not in my make up.
For example, we had a playdate today with a mom and her two boys who live down the street. We were going to play in the pool, eat some hotdogs and hang out. I worried so much about it I had bad dreams last night. Then I frantically cleaned the first floor of the house this morning. And to be honest, the playdate went well, but I over-thought every little thing and stressed out about how I spoke to my children in front of this other mother.
So, I need to learn how to chill. Are they selling personalities yet on ebay?
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